5IVE 'N ONE - the band that isn't

All great rock bands have origin stories shrouded in lore and myth. Who met who first? Which member named the band? Where did they play their first show? For the powerhouse group, 5IVE 'N ONE those questions and many more arise.

Most think that it was in the summer of 2021 when the band first formed. The world had slowly started to gather again after the lockdowns of COVID, but six cousins found themselves in the grip of another lockdown of sorts; the summer family photo shoot. Band groupies and aficionados tell the story that powers beyond these cousins' control brought them together. Some say it was fate, others simply claim they were obeying their parents.

Whatever the case, one steamy July afternoon, these future rockers found themselves standing awkwardly together on a grassy lawn; a stranger with a telephoto lens calling out to them in pleading tones.

"A little closer together please."

"Could the boy on the right turn a bit more towards me?"

"Okay - now smiles. Big smiles!"

With sudden inspiration, the thought seemed to strike all the cousins simultaneously.

"Let's do an album cover pose!"

Soon all reserve was dropped. New stances of confidence and raw rock and roll prowess were assumed.

5IVE 'N ONE was born!

They had simultaneously formed a powerhouse sextet and posed for the cover photo of their first album; an album that would never actually come to be. With no time to write lyrics, learn how to play instruments, or hire a manager, 5IVE 'N ONE split up two days later when everyone had to go back home.

Somehow those photos, photos of pure raging rock energy, found their way into the hands of a man who happened to witness the photo shoot. He had become an instant groupie upon seeing how magically 5IVE 'N ONE seemed to click together. (He later claimed that he had seen sparkles come from the fingers of the short blonde boy). This unnamed groupie, in order to pay homage to the greatness he had witnessed, took it upon himself to create the album cover of the album that would never be made.

The "BOOM" album with the title track "BOOM! Goes my heart" was born!

The finished album cover quickly slipped into the underground 5IVE 'N ONE community. Friends of friends made copies, passing them hand to hand or over text and email until demand for a second album cover was birthed.

Knowing that the cousins would not be together again for perhaps another year, the intrepid groupie took action. Taking another photo from the infamous shoot (as well as elements of the first photo), he created a second album cover for a second album that would never be made. Deciding that the band needed to branch out in their sophomore release, the groupie included the image of a seventh cousin who was also present at the original photo shoot.

The band for this short season, would be known as 5IVE 'N ONE + 1/2.

The new album cover, "For All Time, Always", although not as popular as their first release, still flooded the niche 5IVE 'N ONE market. But soon after this the mysterious groupie suddenly stopped making album covers for albums that would never be made. Likewise, the members of 5IVE 'N ONE forgot to take more album cover photos when gathered together for summer family picnics.

The lack of great album covers, along with uncertainties surrounding the 2024 total solar eclipse and its potential impact on the end of the world, forced the band back together. This reunion photo shoot was long overdue and the band decided to embrace the chaos surrounding the eclipse.

So, on April 8, 2024, the six original members of 5IVE 'N ONE found the groupie and gathered for a small ceremony in upstate New York. While there, they struck the iconic pose for their third album cover for an album that would never be made. Being too young to drive, the 1/2 member cousin could not be present. In her place she sent, Gingy, her flat paper gingerbread emissary from her kindergarten class project.

The album cover, for an album that would never be made, was an instant classic. The band had matured and so had their content. "Total Eclipse of the Fart" was the first album cover to receive a parental advisory label for explicit smells.

As stated before, the origin stories of all the greatest rock bands are shrouded in myth and legend. Who knows if all stated here is fact? One source, that has questionable reliability, claims that the cousins were just fooling around on that first photo shoot and one of their crazy uncles (the one known as "Neight") just started making album covers. This source is highly disputed.

The future of 5IVE 'N ONE remains uncertain. Will future album covers for albums that will never be made...be made?